Monday, February 11, 2013

A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

I admit I've always been a little schizo when it comes to Valentine's Day.  I'm all about love and romance and happily-ever-afters and all that jazz.  But I also remember being single and putting silent hexes on the girls in the office who received roses.  Oh and there was that one time a husband arranged for a Dapper Dan style female quartet to come and serenade his wife in the office.  Barf.

A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

Now that I've been happily betrothed to a man who doesn't care about Valentine's Day for seven years, I have come to accept I will never be that girl in the TV commercials who gets diamonds or a Lexus as a Valentine's gift (or any gift, really).  Instead we have fallen into a rhythm of exchanging small gifts, usually candy, and cards, and a fancy dinner if we can swing it (think French Bistro instead of our usual Mexican fare).

My card selection process is pretty simple - buy whatever has cats on it.  For any occasion.  BUT, for our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, I wanted to get one of those fancy-schmancy cards that say HUSBAND on it.  There was only one card that fit both requirements but it wasn't suitable (see below).  And pretty much the entire selection made the feminist side of my brain want to punch someone.  Preferably of the male variety.

This is the one husband card that had cats.  This card mentions PMS among a long list of things the female in the relationship does "wrong," along with shopping too much, nagging, and back-seat driving (although sometimes backseat driving is TOTALLY necessary, if you want to live and stuff).
A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

This card alludes to something sexual but ends up being about laundry!  Because laundry is a thing women do.
A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

 This card considers marriage a challenge.
A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

This card mentions being a mom.  NOPE.
A Valentine's Post - Why Are Valentine's Cards So Awful?

I settled on a lovey-dovey card that I typically wouldn't buy but you card-writing jerks left me NO CHOICE.  Is is possible to make a funny card without making marriage sound awful  or without mentioning my ovaries?  What happened to the days of simple cards with a picture of a kitty and the caption, "You're purrrrrrr-fect, Valentine!"  I would SO buy that.  Also, GET OFF MY LAWN.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.  Does Valentine's shopping make anyone else queasy?

11 comments:

  1. "My card selection process is pretty simple - buy whatever has cats on it. " Hahahahahaha same here. I usually make my own cards (with cats or penguins in it), but if I actually have to buy one, for any occasion, it has a cat on it (or a penguin if it's for the boyfriend). And I also established early in the relationship that we should not exchange gifts on Valentine's Day, when we're usually still hurting from the excess of the Holidays. So same as you, we go somewhere nicer than usual for dinner (the weekend before valentine's day, of course), and exchange homemade cards or some chocolate.

    And hey, you have such great crafty skills, you should make your own card instead of buying it too :) I should show you some of the ones I've made!

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    1. If I had the time I would make my own awesome cards! WITH ALL THE CATS.

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  2. Girl, I feel you on this. Somehow, fiance always manages to buy me a card that makes me cry, and all the cards I can find are variations on "Sorry I am a crazy girl, but I love you!". It make me want to thrash the card aisles at Target. If I'm feeling fancy, I go to Papyrus, and for $7 a card, they don't insult my ovaries. My wallet? Yes. My ovaries? No.

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    Replies
    1. Right? It sucks that we have to pay MORE for cards that don't insult us.

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  3. And can we please talk about why these horrible cards cost so much?

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    Replies
    1. YES. THIS. That first card (that mentions my PMS) cost $3.99. WHY.

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  5. I buy cards with cats on them only too! This valentines I'm just not into it. I got him oreos covered with stuff that look like giant conversation hearts and that's probably all its gonna be this year lol I'll try harder next year for our first vday married. I think I saw the hallmark store carried a Disney card that said husband.

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  6. I usually make my own valentine's cards too (think Kindergarten crafts style - not fancy pinterest stuff lol). My husband usually goes to the Disney Store and finds something I don't already have. lol I haven't browsed the V-day cards this year, but I usually go for the Disney ones anyway. When in doubt, grab a pack of the small Valentine's for kids. Those are always cute! :D "I choo choo choose you". ;)

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  7. Call me tacky or stereotypical, but I love Vday! It's one of my favorite holidays and whether its celebrating the love I have with my family or the love of the guy I'm with, its all bout love! I get a lot of backlash for that, but I don't think people look at it outside of the relationship status.

    I usually just get the blank cards and fill in my own thought out note, or just simply make my own. You are so right and all the cards out there make me just roll my eyes. Although, I must say i say a few good ones on Etsy...but to me its not worth paying the few bucks for a print out!

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  8. I make cards as a hobby, so when I'm too busy to make one, it really pains me to have to spend so much money on a card (especially at Papyrus) when I know exactly how it was made! But last year, on our first married Vday, we were super busy, so I picked up one that was almost exactly like the one you posted of marriage being a challenge. (Similar animals, same spilled paint...they must put out a new version each year, lol) But to us it was funny, because, not gonna lie, I'm sure it's sometimes a struggle for hubby to navigate my convoluted thinking patterns, lol

    I once got a really stereotypical gift (singing gorilla holding a heart from Walgreens). That was a Vday low, lol With hubby, we just get each other novelty gifts and I was able to make him a card this year. :P

    ReplyDelete

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